Before you act, you have freedom, but after you act, the effect of that action will follow you whether you like it or not. That is the law of Karma. You are a free agent, but once you perform a certain act, you will reap the results of that act.
Paramahansa Yogananda, SRF Lessons
Tom had spent the last three weeks on the mountain with Toby. He was helping him set up a training program. Giving him confidence and motivation to train harder, ever harder as the trials grew nearer. Toby’s heart was in the right place, he was lacking the timing and style. Running the courses had to be routine, repetition would lead to speed. Tom realized this and tried to motivate him to face his toughest challenges. The Olympics were not just another NASTAR Race. They were a series of steps, any of which, if you stumble, you’ve lost. No second chances, no excuses. After running the courses, they would run trails on the Basin, a daunting challenge. Finishing up on the East Wall of Lenawee Mountain where there were no trails, only wide open endless powder turns.
"The highest lift operated mountain in North America, a gold medal at the Olympics,” he’d yell over and over. He was trying to fill his heart and soul with the spirit of the mountain itself. He spoke of Joe and the years of hard work and toil he had put in to own the mountain, trying to make him see the results of dreams, grandiose dreams, dreams that can be if you have the desire to reach and grab for the rings.
“They’re not going to just give you that medal, you have to earn it! Simply wanting it is not good enough. You have to desire it with every fiber of your being. It’s all you can focus on, nothing else can matter or exist. GOLDEN DREAMS! GOLDEN DREAMS! OLYMPIC GOLD!”
Tom was relentless with Toby, but he knew Toby needed him. Now more than ever, the sheer spectacle of the rock spires looming high above the rest of the world, left them both in awe Toby needed the push, his skiing was getting really good. Tom knew he had a definite place and shot at the Olympics. All the effort and hard work was for him. Tom would talk of himself and his own reservations about life.
“At least you know what you want,” he’d say. “You have a single vision, you can see it. TO BE THE BEST OF THE BEST! THE CRÈME De La CRÈME! No one can ever take that away from you. Don’t take it away from yourself! Hold on to your dreams, Tobe. It’s always just your dreams, hold on to them as if they were your child, your only child”
The days were hard and long, the nights short and sleepless. Every waking hour he spent either skiing or discussing the various conditions. They spent days on the courses of Keystone, Copper and Breckenridge, covering all aspects of the different pitched slopes. The angle and texture of the snow the sun made on the downside of the moguls was extremely important. Where the shadows fell on the courses determined where the hidden ice would lay. A single slip would cost precious seconds. Vertical drop, base elevation, they all came into play. They found some hard pack groomed ice at Keystone down the road. Luckily the weather stayed dry and cold, Toby could spend more time running drilling on the hard pack cover.
Tom enjoyed these days spent with Toby. They gave him a chance to get away from all the questions that had been stirring through his mind. The mountains themselves were the only stability left in Tom’s shifting world. No longer did Tom see things as “Black and White.” There were feelings in his heart, thoughts in his mind he had never had before. He was beginning to let other people in his heart and life. They were helping to shape his destiny. They were letting him into their worlds. He was finally beginning to grow up.
The sharp white peaks thrusting up boldly around him were like old friends to him. He had spent countless days and years with nothing on his mind but their beauty and honesty. They were a timeless vision, always changing, yet always remaining the same. The mountains have always been and always will be. Tom felt lucky to be able to share a small part of their history.
Toby was becoming increasingly irritable. He rarely said a word as Tom tried to push him harder to make every second count. Timing every run as if it was life or death. Tom yelled at each mistake, telling him if he wanted to claim gold, he would have to work harder. Toby reacted but was beginning to falter. He was angry and fed up with skiing, stopwatches and Tom.
“Forget it!” Toby yelled, “I’m through for the day. I can’t take you riding me anymore.”
“I simply said…”
“I know what you said. You said it yesterday and you said it the day before. I’m sick of it Tom. I’m sick of it all.”
“You can’t expect to…”
“I don’t expect anything. I don’t even know why I’m doing this anymore. You do nothing but criticize my every move. You’re a royal pain in the ass.”
“I’m only doing it for you.”
“You’re doing this because you love it. You love being in control. You’ve never had anything, and think you can take my dreams and make them your own.”
“Bull crap! You’re pissed off because you can’t take the pressure. You’re a lazy whining, God damned baby.”
“Piss Off Tom!”
Toby whirled around and took off down the mountain, leaving Tom wondering what had just happened.
“I can’t believe this, every time I turn around, I get kicked in the ass. Well no more.”
He turned and started tucking down the headwall toward the Pallivacini, his speed increasing as he sped along the hanging cornice that had formed above the bowl. Not knowing what he was going to do next, first David, Then Sara and now Toby. Why couldn’t they take him for what he was, without asking for everything? He never took any more than he could give. Everyone had to have it their own way. All or nothing at all, wasn’t that the motto. No one is ever satisfied with what they have. He was disillusioned with it all.
“I’ve got to get out of here,’ he said, feeling there was nothing left to fight for. At the last second he turned, and flew off the top of the cornice catching incredible air. Tom landed with his tips slightly crossed at break- neck speed. It caused him to go head over skis and begin tumbling down the steep slope. Every time he came up he feared he would break his neck on the next roll as he drove his head deep into the endless powder. On one of the upright rolls, Tom threw his weight to his left and landed on his shoulder. It drove it in to the snow and arrested his fall. His skis had not come off, and he stood shakily his knees weak his breath coming in spurts and gasps. He was utterly exhausted and weak, Tom thought of Joe’s struggle to keep the Basin and his friends and the confusion in his life. In utter exasperation, he cried out, ”Is their no justice in this world?” Almost immediately he heard an answer a voice that said, “Be a Teacher!” Confused, he looked around to see where the voice had come from. There was nothing but silence in the vast natural mountainous bowl. He dusted himself off and turned his skis downhill and pushed hard with his poles. Determined to see what his destiny was, now that he had cheated death. A half a century would pass before Tom would fully comprehend what the edict in the wilderness truly meant.
Gayatri Mantra, Deva Premal and Miten
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