Sunday, May 29, 2016

Only The Beginning

To steal a phrase, who knows what jogs your creativity or your mind. My notebooks are filled with great one liners that never went anywhere. They were the beginnings of the great American Novel that everyone aspires to write, or at least I hope they do. The work that will move the world.

   I am freaking out! If I had to have a favorite perhaps that would be mine. It is perfect for my early youth, and my life well into to mid life. Another good line I like was a title from a work by the rock band Supertramp. Crisis, What Crisis? They came out of London in 1969 and took America by storm in the late 70's. Are you you getting a theme here? I think I am as I am writing this.

   It always seemed to me that when my life appeared to be falling apart, or I was freaking out over something. I turned to putting words on paper. Old habits are hard to let go of. Almost all of my poetry and even most of my short stories began with a line, not a word, always a line. They sat there deep in brain and waited for me to revisit them.  The best analogy I think I have come across is that of an oyster with a grain of sand. The oyster of course gets the grain of sand and carefully rubs and polishes and rubs and polishes and voila comes the pearl.

 Writers are not much different, you write a line. Have a thought, or angst over some injustice in the world. You go back and visit it. You expand it stretch it out, coat it with words. Sooth it with a little pain and suffering and one day it plays itself out in a poem or short story. If you are lucky it may be something that can only be expressed in a great long form and then comes your Great American Novel. Sometimes you put off the process, it isn't time yet, I don't have enough time to write it, I am too busy at work, all the reasons of why not to finish.

   Then one day the Armageddon of your life arrives and you address the issue. I guess you will know your own personnel Armageddon when it shows itself. Mine has come to knock on my door in the form of my brush with skin cancer. Just enough to turn those wheels of fate in your mind. I will survive mine as I have the past two surgeries. The last being particularly nasty and invasive. Then comes the threat of the radiation to cure the final stage. You are told all will be well and you will be good as new as soon as you are irradiated. O.K. then sounds good to me. No wait a minute, what is this all about? I thought or I had always said I will live to be a Centurion. I had planned on that. I need the time in retirement to write. Now some thing is threatening my great procrastination plan. What about all the times I could have written and didn't? What about all the times that I wanted the next very last powder run? Is this going to be my last powder run here?

   Could have, should have, thought I had more time, if only I had when. All idle threats gone with the melting snows of winter. The Ides of March have turned into the green grasses of June. Now is the time. As you let the first rays of the radiation that is killing and curing you wash over your being for the next six weeks, find the courage and the strength to put all of the projects you are working on to bed. Before you go to bed for the last time.

   Sometimes in life you need to remember that that the thing that you are running, from the injustice that you moves you, the mistake that you made, that forever changed your life, is the very thing that brought you your greatest reward or triumph in life. I was a lonely ski bum who didn't need anything from anyone. Who by the Grace of God found a soul mate to share life with. I have always maintained that I am the Luckiest Man in America. I guess as I go forward on this next journey. What ever the final outcome will be. I need to realize it truly is the beginning. You must begin at the beginning to come to the final end.

A Song for Tomorrow