Monday, April 4, 2011

Free Brownie Wednesdays. Walk-Ins Welcome. Doctor On Premises

I am a child of the 60’s, so when I see a State Trooper, a Local Sheriff, or even a well dressed Security Guard with a Badge, several things automatically run through my mind. Where is my pot, and or pills, how easy is it going to be to get them stuffed down my pants, who was the last person near my glove box, and what could they have possibly put in there? Do cars even have glove boxes any more? The last bit of paranoia comes from my good friend Captain Zooms, who once left a big bag of leafy green summer of 72’ pot in my car. New York State was not amused upon its subsequent discovery on my drive home from his house. Lucky for me, the State had just relaxed its possession laws and my Judge knew my dad. My sentence as a middle class white boy in the 70’s was to write a ten page term paper on the cause and effects of smoking marijuana.

Nothing in my experiences and the attitude of average Americans who smoked pot in the 1960’s and 1970’s and later became parents and proponents of “Just Say No” has prepared me for the legalization of Medical Marijuana Dispensaries in the State of Colorado. When you look closely at the ads and all of the concoctions, names of the products, the potency and purity, and regulation of the products, it can blow you away. 

I am not, nor will I probably ever be a card carrying member to a dispensary. First of all, I pride myself in being clean and sober for over twenty three years. The price of my excessive consumption in the sixties cost me dearly in both emotional and legal consequences. All is well that ends well, so they say. 

My paranoia from the sixties is deep rooted and not easily dispelled. In the last few insurance applications that I’ve filled out, were smoking questions about cigarettes and other substances. Will the dispensary someday share it’s files not only with the government, law enforcement, and the insurance companies? Will your insurance rate go up because you smoke your prescription? If you eat it, will there be a difference?

I live in a small rural part of Colorado. I am blown away by the number of dispensaries open. The incredible advertisements of giant buds tinged in gold and brown in the local magazines is surprising. There are Franchise Dispensaries popping up with wild topical creams, cookies, candies, and brownies. Ads like $35/ for 1/8, no appointments necessary, doctor on premises fill the newspapers.

Do not misunderstand me! I have spent too many evenings of my life in a bar eying the bottle of Bombay Gin (my particular choice of personal deprivation) on the shelf. So I know what prohibitionists felt like when the Bar Signs went up in their neighborhoods. It’ s all too new and funny. It’s like a Saturday Night Live Comedy Skit. The local dispensary is advertising free brownies while the newly opened hot dog joint next door shows big pictures of plates with giant dogs and chips brimming over. This is obviously in case you stumble out of the “clinic” into the streets with the munchies!

The next famous movie quotes will probably be, “ Of all the pot joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” “Here’s looking at you, kid!” --- Albert Bianchine